Self-talk is very powerful. Even more powerful than we think. It shapes the way we see ourselves. The way how we see ourselves shapes the way how others see us. Good self-esteem can be seen. Often we berate and belittle ourselves, we make our small errors seem like the end of the world. This has not always been the case in our lives though. When we were very little we all loved ourselves. Unconditionally, wholly, totally. We loved our body no matter what it looked like, we loved everything about ourselves! We didn’t berate ourselves when we were learning to walk and fell down. I bet we then thought something like this: “Oops, this wasn’t as easy as I thought. It looks so easy when others do it. Well, if they can do this, so can I!”
So why don’t we talk this encouragingly to ourselves anymore? Because we have learned not to. The voice with which we speak to ourselves is not even our own voice. It is a combinations of displeased parent, teacher, neighbor and even a stranger who for some reason was annoyed with us early in our childhood. This voice was back then a coping mechanism for us to conform, to cope, to survive so to speak. It has stayed with us ever since. It doesn’t know the damage it does to us and we are so used to it, that we don’t see that damage either.
Our subconscious mind doesn’t have a sense of humor. It takes our every thought and word seriously and it modifies our body and behavior accordingly. So if we belittle ourselves, soon we find ourselves in situations where we feel not enough. If we berate ourselves for being foolish, soon we do more foolish things! And then we wonder why we behaved as we did as we should have known better. Or then this overly critical voice inside our heads can keep us from living our full potential or even fulfilling our dreams by telling us, that we don’t have what it takes, that we are not enough. And so in the end we don’t even try. We give up on our dreams and the adventures that life offers us. Then we feel displeased and that we are missing something in our lives.
We all talk nicely and encouragingly to our friends, so why not to ourselves. In the end the one and only person who is always there with us and will never leave us is our own self. We all know people who are impossible to please. I have been that person for myself too long. Not anymore. I have noticed that complimenting myself even on very ordinary things like being on time, makes me feel so good. I have found out that the more kind and encouraging I am towards myself the more calm and peaceful my life has become. I still do lose my temper from time to time and get angry, but instead of resenting myself afterwards I try to find something positive to say to myself about the situation. Even if it is just to compliment myself of leaving such a situation! Introducing a more compassionate self-talk into our lives will change them for better!