Self-sabotage

I have been thinking a lot about self-sabotage lately. Why we sometimes succeed in our endeavors and sometimes not at all or seem to  mess things out in the last minute. At least this happens to me. I believe the question then could be of self-sabotage. There are two obvious reasons, why we might do this to ourselves even without realizing that we do it. Unless we pay attention to our beliefs and feelings, we might very well be guilty of one of them.

The first reasons is, that we feel unworthy of what we want. We can only accept on the level we believe we are worthy of. We have picked up all sorts of beliefs along our way that limit our allowing. We might think we are too old, too young, too thin, too fat, too educated, too uneducated or too much of something else, so we cannot welcome what we want into our lives. As soon as we begin to exceed in our lives,  our beliefs kick in and we self-sabotage our attempts and remain in the zone we believe we are worthy of. Recognizing these limiting beliefs is already half a win, because then we can little by little start to change them. In the end the only thing, that is really limiting us, is just our own thinking.

The second reason is the opposite to the first one. We actually feel in our hearts, that succeeding is a fair possibility to us, but are afraid, that we really will succeed. We are afraid, what the consequences of succeeding might be. What would others say and how they would react to our success, or what we ourselves would perhaps lose while pursuing our dream. This reason to self-sabotage our aims is as effective as our limiting beliefs. We can practice to overcome this fear with smaller things, that have less emotion in them. But in the end to get rid of this one, we have to take a sort of a leap of faith. We just have to believe in our hearts, that our inner self would never deprive us from something we really value in life. We just have to believe, that those nearest and dearest to us, will accept us as we are, even if we are successful.

Both of these reasons for self-sabotage are valid to our subconscious mind though. And if the underlying reasons remain untouched, we will continue to self-sabotage our efforts. In order to succeed we have to convince our subconscious,  that we truly are worthy and we not afraid of our own success.

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Doing things differently

Seeing things differently is very important, but if we don’t also do things differently, we won’t thrive. Even if we would find new aspects of life, but don’t act upon them, they will not benefit us. Therefore doing thing differently is as important as seeing things differently.

I found recently a great video about how to stay young or even reverse aging. It really made me think a lot about living and aging in general. According to the video in order to feel young we have to do things that young people do, we have to do things differently. When we get stuck in doing things just one way, we will soon start to feel like we already know everything there’s to know about Life and that is the feeling of old age.

Life is all about expansion, finding out new things, thoughts and ideas. Life always seeks a fuller, more expanded version of us. Life really wants us to grow and evolve in our lives. Life always tries to inspire us to take a chance and expand our experiences, to do new things or old things differently. We feel this inspiration as enthusiasm, passion, vitality, joy when we act upon it and as resentment, discontentment, even depression when we ignore it!

We feel most alive, when we do things we really love. But if we always do those things in the same old way, they will lose their charm in the end. We have to let these things evolve and we have to grow ourselves with them in order to keep them dear and invigorating. We often think that we don’t have time to do things differently, that we are too busy. But we all have the same amount of time. Someone said, that there are 72 20minute segments in one day. In fact there are 288 5minute segments in one day. I believe, that we can all invest one of them to ourselves and our own well-being. That still leaves 287 segments to be busy with mundane every day chores.

I have lately begun to do and learn many new things. I invest just 5-10minutes to each of them. They all make me feel more alive. Inspired by this video I have also begun to brush my teeth with my left hand now (yes, I am right-handed) and in the beginning it felt very awkward and took way longer than normally. Amazing thing, though, is how soon it has begun to feel familiar! Not yet standing on one leg when doing this though! Maybe I’ll add that later.

The feeling of being alive while learning new things is so intoxicating, that I will continue this practice. I also encourage you to let your life grow. Learn something new or do every day just one tiny thing differently, in a brand new way. For a change take the stairs, walk to work, park further, dance in the rain, begin that one thing you have always wanted to do, but never got around to. Start today. Give it just 5 minutes of your day. Do it now.

At least watch the video in here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E1r5HHuW_Vc

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Expectation

Expectation is the most powerful tool we have in life. What we expect, we mostly get. Our whole life is a mirror of our own beliefs and expectations, giving us back, what we feel we deserve.

I have noticed, that when I go to a party, that is full of strangers, and expect to have good time, I usually do. I meet interesting, friendly people, who are also eager to meet me. I have also noticed, that when I try to shop a present for someone believing that it will be hard to find something, that will please the recipient, then that is usually also the case. My expectations are always molding my end results.

Changing one’s beliefs and expectations is not an easy thing to do. I at least have to really focus to be able to do that. For example when I visit relatives, I have certain expectations of how they will behave and they always fulfill those expectations. But if I manage to expect something different, that usually also happens and those annoying relatives surprise me pleasantly! If I don’t pay close attention to what I am expecting, I return back to my old ways and beliefs and am getting the same old behavior that I am accustomed to.

I have mostly been trying to learn, how to expect things, by focusing on things, that have less emotional baggage with them. For example when going to town by car I expect to find a great parking place for it and usually does. Or I expect the change of commuter transports, from train to bus, go smoothly with no extra waiting time needed and succeed in that, too. Once we see, that our expectations are almost always met, we get more confidence in our ability to control our surroundings.

So that things wouldn’t be too easy, there’s the question of deserving in here, too. If we don’t believe ourselves worthy of good things, then our expectations are tainted with that belief of undeserving. If any time it feels that one’s expectations are not met, I highly recommend to find out, what one’s underlying beliefs of oneself are. It will be more productive to face these beliefs of unworthiness first and only then try to develop one’s expectation skills further as it otherwise will prove to be frustrating.

Developing our skills of expectation will improve the quality of our lives. It is also quite fun to see, how the circumstances of our lives and even the people in it, will change to meet our changed expectations. By expecting good things to happen, we will take control of our lives into our own hands and can create a life we truly enjoy to live.

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Living in the Present Moment

This week I have been several times reminded to stay in the present. I must admit, that I have been having a tough time keeping my spirits up, so I believe these reminders have been an answer to that. This has made me to think more closely about the whole concept of living in the present moment.

Marie Forleo stated in one of her videos, that all the unhappiness in our lives comes from resisting the moment. When we push against the present and are not yet a vibrational match to our desires, we feel the discord by being unhappy. I have had first hand experience, that this is true in my life. I have not been in vibrational harmony with the BIG dream I have finally come up and have been resisting the present in my eagerness to pursue it. As soon as I begun to pay more attention to the present moment, I noticed some very satisfying baby steps, that I can take towards my ultimate dream.

All of the spiritual teachers encourage us to be/live in the present. They point out, that the only moment we have is this one fleeting moment that is here right now and then is gone forever. We don’t often even notice, what we already have in this particular time of our lives. By doing so we are denying the beauty and the perfection of the present. We fret about things that could go wrong in the future or we grieve about something that already has in our past.  Without this very moment and everything it contains (whether good or bad) we wouldn’t even be able to dream the dreams we do.

Living in the here and now can be difficult though. My mind at least starts easily to wander around: I’m planning the next week while doing the dishes, living again things while walking, even dreaming of a vacation while working. Sometimes it seems almost impossible to stop thinking ahead and start noticing what is!

For me sports has always been a good way to stay grounded. During my exercises I have to concentrate to make the moves correctly and to calculate the repetitions. And the pain while pushing the very last repetitions is also helping to stop my mind from wandering around. I have also noticed that in the midst of an intense game of squash the best way to be in the present is to go with the flow, to be carried away by the game. I believe, that being very much in the here and now during the sports, is one of the things, why they always make me feel so good.

Meditation is another a good way for me to stay in the present. During my meditations I have begun to notice the gaps in my thinking, or the noticer behind the noticing. I am not able to clear my mind completely, but I believe that is not the goal. The goal is to feel the moment, that I’m living right now without any need to hurry ahead or to dwell in the past.

Abraham-Hicks has said, that they would never face a reality unless it was exactly as they wanted it to be. They have also said, that we are where we are, and where we are is really, really good. For me that is an indicator to acknowledge the present moment in all its beauty and perfection. I also believe, that honoring the present is not at all the same as facing the reality.

As pleasant as our dreams can be and as much joy as they can bring into our lives, resisting our present will make us miserable if we are not yet a true match to our dreams. To step back from dreaming for awhile and give our full attention to the moment we are living right now will perhaps show us some tiny baby steps, that are already in our grasp, but which we cannot notice while being unhappy.

So I have decided, that while I will keep on dreaming, I will also begin to notice and to honor this very moment right here, right now. I will begin to acknowledge the perfection of every moment of my life as without them I would not even be able to strive for more. I now believe this is a way to bless all the future moments to come.

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Life is a dance

A short while ago I came across a YouTube video, that had some great ideas about life. Alan Watts said in it, that we mistake life for a journey or pilgrimage, when it is in fact a musical thing and we are supposed to sing or dance while the music is being played. This really hit me hard for I, too, have always thought life as a journey with a destination to arrive. But thinking of life as a journey makes us prone to postpone our living until we have certain circumstances: until we have a certain job, certain amount of money, certain relationship, certain age and so on.

If on the other hand we think of life as a dance, we see, that our lives are not meant to arrive to a certain destination. We are just meant to enjoy the twirling around while Life itself is being played. Then there are no right or wrong moves either. So if one loves to dance a passionate Tango, it is in the end as right as a slow moving Waltz another one might prefer. There’s also nothing wrong to learn new kinds of steps or a completely new dance altogether.

So I decided to test this theory, as other theories before it, and begun to treat my life as a dance rather than a journey. Immediately I felt like a great weight was lifted from my shoulders. Life felt so much lighter and more fun! Since that video whenever something not wanted happens in my life, I think it is just Life wanting me to learn new moves and it doesn’t actually feel bad anymore. It feels more like a challenge. Can I master these new moves? And if I don’t, that doesn’t really matter either, because if I don’t like a Foxtrot, I can always change back to Waltz.

When I begun to treat my life as a dance, I immediately noticed, that I wasn’t taking things so seriously anymore. Surprisingly I became altogether more relaxed in general. So when my commuter train wasn’t going to stop at my station, I thought: well this is an interesting twist in my dance, and it felt more like an adventure than inconvenience! When someone is rude to me, I think to myself, that all this is just a dance and I notice, that actually it didn’t matter at all. It was their move, not mine.

This new way of thinking has been helping me a lot in other ways also. It has taken the pressure off from my ambitions. It feels like a relief not to have a need to succeed anymore, but rather to have a chance to succeed. It has made me realize, that I can in my life try anything, anything at all, and actually have a chance with it. It has overall made me more ready to try out new things and I already have. Life has yet so much to offer to me and all of us!

These days I am actually rather eager to see, what each day will bring about. I even feel, that I somehow have more time than before, as it is up to me to choose the moves I want to make in this dance of mine. It doesn’t matter, if I don’t every day do all the moves, like vacuuming or doing the dishes. It doesn’t matter either, where this dance takes me, as every place on this dance floor is as valuable as any other. The only thing that matters is to keep on dancing and enjoying this dance called My Life.

Watch my inspiration in here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qHnIJeE3LAI

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