Random acts of kindness

Random acts of kindness are small acts of kindness we do without expecting anything back. Mostly to unknown recipients. Last week February 17th was a tribute and unofficial holiday for just this. There are a lot of studies, that show, that being kind and compassionate, will boost our own well-being as well as make someone else happy and more prone to pay the gesture forward to someone else.

This Valentine’s Day I got this idea of making the day special for someone unknown to me. So I went to a local coffee shop and suggested the idea, that I would pay for 5 coffees and they would give them free of charge for the next five persons to arrive only wishing them happy Valentine’s Day. They were game and thought it was a cute idea. I don’t know who got the coffees, but hopefully it made them feel special, cause they are.

Then came 17th February. Remembering the previous experiment I had made, I wanted to try again. So while shopping in the local grocery store I also bought a small gift card and gave it to the cashier. He was totally blown away by the gesture. Probably something, that had never happened to him before. And I felt huge surge of satisfaction for making someone else feel special. Then on my way to work I decided to visit yet another coffee shop and made the same deal with them as with the another coffee shop on 14th. They were totally on board and thought it was fantastic idea.

Last Saturday, when I went to play squash, I put a token to a locker by the bowling alley, where I had found one myself the previous week. I remember, how great it felt to find one, so wanted to give that same feeling to someone else. It made me feel like a secret fairy godmother!

But these acts don’t need to be material, they can be compliments we pay to someone or help we offer without asking. So if you want to feel really good about yourself do something for someone else, say a compliment to a fellow passenger, carry the bags of an elderly, or even just shovel the snow from someone’s driveway. Guaranteed to make you feel better about yourself while also making someone else’s day.

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About Contrast

There’s contrast (unwanted things) everywhere. Contrast allows us to know ourselves better and to know what we prefer. We cannot truly know that, if we don’t know the opposite of it first. How would we know ourselves as abundant, if we didn’t know, what being poor meant; how would we know, that we are good, if there was no evil anywhere for comparison. These are just the opposite ends of the same stick. We just have to stop demonizing, that which we don’t like, and simply start choosing, that which we prefer.

Things are always working for us no matter how much contrast there is around us. I have lately been reminding myself just this. There have been some unwanted things in my life to clarify my preferences. Here’s a couple of examples:

First I thought, that I had bought something, that I already had gotten for free. The thought occurred to me at night (as these kinds of thoughts often do). I decided to push my pause-button and told this fear thought, that I would address it sometime in the near future, but not that night. In the mean time I reminded myself, that things are always working out for me. On closer inspection it turned out to be a false thought after all. I learned, that I prefer to be sure before I buy something, that I don’t already have it.

The locker room door to the ladies’ changing room was locked. It was reserved to a group, that was coming later. The only free-of-charge lockers are in that particular locker room. The cashier told, that there would be some lockers left by the bowling alley. So I would have to change in the other locker room and then go back to the bowling alley to place my stuff in one of these lockers. But these lockers require a 50cent token. I reminded myself, that there must be some good in this, as things are always working out for me. So I chose a locker and stuffed my things in it and was just about to find a token, when I realized, that someone had forgotten (or left on purpose) their token in the lock. And it was the only locker with a token! I noticed, that I appreciate these random acts of kindness.

I ordered something, that didn’t arrive. As I eagerly waited for my purchase to arrive, I at the same time patiently reminded myself yet again, that things are always working out for my benefit. Finally I called in and politely told them, what had happened and they immediately promised to send me a new product and promised, that I could even keep the original order free of charge, should it still arrive! I found out, that I preferred being kind and patient over the anger and frustration, that I could have felt in this situation.

We cannot avoid unwanted things happening in our lives, we can only choose, how to react to them. How we react is totally up to us and no-one else. We can get all upset, stress out and lose even sleep over things, or we can concentrate on trusting, that things are always turning out to our best benefit. So next time something unwanted is happening in your life, trust the universe, trust your own resourcefulness to carry you through. Remind yourself, that things are always working out for you! Cause they are!

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I am enough

Only the other week I was watching a video from Marisa Peer about the biggest disease affecting humanity these days: the lack of self-worth. And I know this disease to be true for I suffered from it for years.

The worst feeling in the world is the feeling of lacking any worth. It ill make us try to compensate the situation with all kinds of unhealthy ways, neither of which will actually make us feel better. On the contrary they will make us feel even worse. They might actually make us succeed in some area of our lives, but because we are still thinking that we are not the real deal, that success won’t mean a thing to us. Validation we might get from others will only sound like hollow words in our ears, if we ourselves don’t believe it.

For years this was true to me, too. No matter how good I was in my job and my life, I still felt I wasn’t enough. I have moved a long way from those days, but even though I thought I already knew my own self-worth, just the other week I noticed, that I’m still making some of my decisions based on other people’s good, not my own. So I still seem to have more to do in my self-worth issues.

I decided to take some ease steps to correct the situation. According to the examples Marisa shares in her video I, too, wrote “I am enough” on my mirror, that I have on my desk and see every day! Actually I kind of like seeing my own picture with those validating words at the same time! They make me feel pretty good about myself. Whenever I look at those words I feel I don’t have to strive for any other form of validation anymore.

This is a very cheap and effective way to feel good in an instant. I really recommend it to everyone. All you need to do is write on a post-it-note the magic words and post it anywhere you easily can and will see every day. It is guaranteed to give a boost on your self-worth every time you see it.

Watch the video in here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lw3NyUMLh7Y&t=14s
More about amazing Marisa in here: https://www.marisapeer.com/
(at the moment you even get a FREE Self Esteem Mini-Course from Marisa in her website)

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Why we do, what we do

We all make countless decisions every day, some conscious, some unconscious. We decide whether to get up in the morning, what to eat, what to wear etc. Many of these decisions seem very trivial to us though. On what do we base all these decisions? Now that is the question.

How great it would be to be able to say, that I base all my decisions solely on what it is good for me, on what would bring me joy! Had I answered this question before, I would have just said that. But unfortunately, that seems not be the case. Last week I suddenly understood, that some of my decisions are based on the good for other people, not on what is good for me. I still seem from time to time have a belief activated, that I am not good enough or worthy enough as I am. That I have to somehow justify my good.

What we base our decision on, tells a lot about us. We all have beliefs about ourselves, that we might not even be aware of. Yet these beliefs control our lives and our decision making: how far we will go and how successful we will be. It is going to be of great value for us to notice these beliefs. And a great beginning is to start noticing why we do, what we do.

It is impossible to change something we don’t notice we are doing. When we know, why we do, what we do, we can change both our behavior and our end results. Considering only about others in our decision making, expecting love and gratitude from them in return, will leave us empty and hollow until we have nothing left but resentful thoughts. But by doing what is good for ourselves on the other hand, will fill us with strength and help us to be more considerate and compassionate towards others without any undue expectations.

We cannot give someone else something we don’t ourselves first have. This alone is a good enough reason to base all our decisions upon our own well-being. We cannot provide well-being and love to others if we don’t first have them towards ourselves. Also understanding ourselves and our decision making better is the only way to a more fulfilling life. Therefore it really pays to find out why we do, what we do.

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